About Last Night

Subjected myself to another date with the Loser last night. Well, not sure if you could technically call it a date. He came by my apartment around 10 with a frozen pizza and a couple of DVDs--his oven and DVD player are on the fritz. He fell asleep after 3/4 of the whole pizza and halfway into Pineapple Express. And for that I did a commercial break's worth of kegals?

Of course, I made sure he made up for it before I had to leave for work this morning. No one sleeps on my Jennifer Convertible and doesn't put out. And while his sex pass went both down and up town, I made sure he knew it was going to take a lot more than bad pizza and DVD to get me to make any detours.

So now the Loser is texting me that I'm a tease which I am and which he knows, but I have to pretend to work so I'm ignoring him because he doesn't pay my rent. Hell, he doesn't even take me out to Olive Garden and a matinée, but he does know his way around my subway system.

As soon as I get a real boyfriend, I'm cooling things off with the Loser. First, I need to get a job where I, like, feel I've accomplished something instead of just counting up my hours and how much money it means I'll take home after taxes. I read this story about some guy who helped a village in Nepal get water through pipes and taps instead of the kids and women having to walk hours a day to a river. I'd totally go to that village and teach English especially since they now have running water. I assume they also have the Internet. I'll double check to make sure before emailing them.

Another text from the Loser. He wants to know where I keep my cereal bowls, cereal and milk. Yes, he's still at my apartment. There are plumbing issues at his place and I was pleasantly post-coital so I said he could take a quick shower. I never mentioned anything about him eating my food. I text him back to stay out of my kitchen and not leave wet towels on the bathroom floor. I hate that. Why do guys think it's okay to do that? And they always use more than one towel, like it's a spa or something and some nameless, silent attendant is going to make fresh towels appear in the blink of an eye.

Yeah, so the Loser is going to get dumped any time now. Maybe I'll meet someone while I'm fetching my boss his lunch. He's on a vegan kick and two or three times a week he has a veg and grain salad from a place he likes so much, I'm surprised he doesn't divorce his wife for refusing to eat there. I don't mind the schlep because of the kebab place next door. I get to load up on meat sticks which I eat at my desk while he argues with the wifey over the phone over her not supporting his veganness.

If the Loser announced that he was a vegan, I'd dump his ass instantaneously. But I won't do it tonight. We still have another DVD to watch and I'm in the mood for a trip downtown.

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