Give It In Print

Oh, crap is it really only 4 days until Christmas? Bugger all, it is. I still have to do some shopping, okay, most of my shopping. The good news is I have a list and I plan to follow it or wind up with a trunk full of puke colored hand towels, slightly irregular Isotoner gloves and tins of almost stale cheesy popcorn to give out. Again.

But not this year. Nuh-uh and no way. This time around I'm giving a select group of people a gift that's straight from my heart (and not so deep from within my subconscious). The most wonderful part is that I get to say what I really think of them without actually having to admit anything. I'm sure there's a legal term for it, but in my house it's called passive aggressiveness. Try it! It's lots of fun and will provide hours of stuff to talk about with a charming bespectacled woman who only charges $120 for a 45 minute hour to sort out intracranial messiness.

 For Someone who is Especially Special 
The Red Balloon by A. LaMorisse     
This this gift is so special it deserves to be bronzed. Of course, I regret having given it (up) a few times, but I'm thinking those emotional ogres have either misplaced this oh so special gift or cast aside the memory of it. I sometimes fantasize about retrieving my most special gift, but restraining orders, changed locks and moving without leaving a forwarding address have made that impossible.

But I've learned my lesson! The next person who gets this gift will be well aware of what I'm giving them and will appreciate it to no end. In fact, they may actually bronze it rendering it useless, but sealing our connection for all eternity. I'm not sure about you, but I don't think that's too much to ask of a dentist or tax preparer.

For Someone who is Especially Stupid
Pat the Cat by Edith Kunhardt          

Let's be honest, even those who are lucky enough to find themselves in what married lady mag Redbook would call a happy relationship, sometimes need to give their partner a little hint. When "Hey, dummy, do me" doesn't do the trick, perhaps a book that encourages the reader with simple instructions might do the trick.

What also might help is not demanding sexy time with less manners than one would practice at a fast food drive-thru window. To each their own, right? Hey, I don't judge, I just drop uncomfortable hints.



For Someone who is Especially Selfish
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein 
There is a person who has not one, but three copies of this book. (Only two of which were given to this person by me.) This person is such a jerk that they've had the nerve to complain about receiving duplicate copies saying, "If I didn't read the first one I got, why would I bother to read the third?"

While you can't give the gift of self-awareness you can out jerk a jerk by giving them a book they won't bother to read, then sit in the corner silently reveling in the knowledge that they're so jerky they won't get what you're telling them.



(Not Entirely) Shameless Self Promotion
If you're in the mood to buy my books, please do! That spectacle wearing lady who loves to listen to me for $120 (an almost) hour would surely appreciate it. Order online at Amazon.com or Barnes&Noble.com or ask for them at your favorite local bookstore.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is so funny! Thanks for the gift ideas. I know just the perfect person to give all three to

Sarah said...

I actually just added one of your books to my shopping list for this week! Found you via Twitter! Can't wait to read!

Margo Candela said...

Sarah,
Like my Mom, I have favorites among my four novels, but pretend not even though my books know the truth.

Sarah said...

Uh-oh! Which one do you suggest? I won't tell anyone...

BodieP said...

And here I thought you were blogging about MY book, which features a hero who passive aggressives himself right into the Big House and a cell with a guy named Killr. It's a lovely book for anyone who's just been through a bad break-up.

Margo Candela said...

Sarah,

Here are my honest (sometime painfully so) thoughts on my four novels.

Good-bye To All That:
I wrote Good-bye To All That under a tight deadline and am pleased that it came together like it did. It's a funny book...if I do say so myself.

More Than This:
I'm really fond of More Than This. I think it's such a sweet story but with a twist. When I found out it was going to be sold at Target in 2008, I was beyond pleased. It had been a secret desire of mine to have my book sold there.

Life Over Easy:
It's my second book and came out after my beloved editor left Kensington for Simon & Schuster so Life Over Easy was sort of left behind. In my mind it suffers from middle child syndrome, a real gem that got lost in the crowd.

Underneath It All:
As my first book, I think Underneath It All is the most telling about me as a person. It's also what I call a first pancake, not perfect, but still enjoyable.

Sarah said...

Awesome! I think I'm leaning towards More Than This, and then I'll take it from there. (I'm sure you are on the edge of your seat, here.) Thanks for the explanation!