To Bang or Not to Bang

What is it with winter? Usually, around this time I go in for my yearly shearing and lop off all those coveted inches of hair. Wait--I should clarify. Those inches are not coveted by me but by those who think I should have long(er) hair because I posses ovaries. Here and there I'll tease them by stretching out the time between haircuts, but eventually and always I find myself making that appointment and showing up with a print out of a short 'do. To say that I enjoy the feeling of watching chunks of hair hit the ground is putting it mildly. Even though I've walked out once, twice, maybe three times with a bad cut, I am a committed short hair gal.

That is until last Saturday.

A hair related segue. Short hair on women. Mine has been in that category for about a decade now. I've had it very, very short (think pixie) and have let it grow out as long to cover my neck, but no where near grazing my shoulders, but still long in my mind. Some people consider hair that grazes the shoulders "short" but I guess when it comes to women and hair, length is relative. In those 10 years I've come across 3.5 categories of people who have a reaction to short hair on women.

Men who don't like short hair on women because if they find a woman with short hair attractive it might imply, in their own minds, that they have some sexual propensities that, if acknowledged, will turn their manly worlds topsy-turvy. These guys tend to consider hair that is even an inch north of the shoulders too short for a woman and way too long on a man unless he's a European soccer star. A woman who is saddled with such a guy will say things like "If I cut my hair that short my boyfriend/husband/whatever would kill me." Now, he won't say it, but he might nod if around people he's comfortable around.

Then there are the women who hate you on sight because you have short hair. They have never let a stylist trim more than 'this much' off ever and had to take a Xanax the first time they got layers cut into their manes. They hate short hair sporting gals because they, deep down, have to acknowledge that long hair doesn't necessarily corner the market on femininity. All long hair means is more time spent waiting for it to dry, wrestling with many hair taming appliances in the morning and having more bride's maid hair style options. When talking to a woman with short hair these women will say "If I cut my hair that short my boyfriend/husband/whatever would kill me."

In the last category are the women who want or on are the verge of just going for it. They always have lots of questions which they ask with a mixture of thrill and fear. These women either go gradually short or go all the way after a big break up or something almost as traumatic as cutting all your hair off. And then there's everyone else (men) who don't really notice hair (it's either blond or brown, but red they'll remember) because they're too busy staring at tits/asses. As long as those two areas meet their needs, anything else can be taken care of with a cheap wig.

I've generalized, of course, but this is my blog, these are my observations and I'm an unapologetic generalist.

But back to the bangs. Even I, as a woman who does not fear the shears, know that bangs are no joke. They can either give you a life or make the life you have miserable. There's nothing worse then trying to grow them out and when they go wrong, bangs go very, very wrong. Sure all the lady mags say to "Pin them back! Smooth them off to the side! Make them part of your new style!" but there is nothing worse than having to deal with a short hank of hair that's right front and center and seems to have stopped growing.

I told (IM'd) the sister "Bangs! Now maybe that's something I should consider!" To which she said (IM'd back) "Are you fucking crazy?" She pointed out all the reasons why I was not a good candidate for bangs, the most gentle being "Your forehead is way too short." I countered with perhaps I had just not (ever) gotten the right kind of bangs and it really wasn't the fault of petite forehead. She then delivered the death blow: "They'll never look like the girl in the new James Bond film. Give it up."

Ouch. Yes, my bang fantasies were stirred up by watching Olga Kurylenko kick ass and not give it up through the whole of Quantum of Solace. I can aspire to bangs such as hers, but she also has, in my book, long hair. If I were to get bangs now I'd look more like Michelle Williams in Wendy and Lucy.

Yes, I can understand and even accept the wisdom and practicality of not getting bangs as things are. But just because I've not only been told that I can't and shouldn't and have said I never would (again), I am, dammit, going to grow out my hair, get bangs and take a stand for the gals out there with short foreheads. And if it doesn't work out, I have no problem with cutting off the rest and pinning back the slightly shorter bits that were once bangs while they grow out and look I asked my stylist to cut it like that purpose.

I do it all the time, people. It really is no big deal. It grow back, after all.

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