Hair Apparent

Some women like playing with make-up, but for me it's all about the perfect haircut. The perfect short hair cut to be precise. My first real haircut came in the 7th grade where I went from long hair and bangs to a short swingy bob that changed my outlook on life. Then it grew out and my oldest sister stopped hanging out with the guy who cut it and it went down-hill from there, culminating in a truly awful triangle head haircut just in time for either my eighth or ninth grade pictures. Even I knew I looked dreadful and would regret sitting still for the few seconds it took to snap the picture. I ran a comb through my too thick bangs and let out such a pained giggle that I resolved then and there never to be a teenager again, no matter how much money was offered to me to repeat the experience. So it went on for some years until I decided to get a real haircut again my first September out of college.

Up until then I'd dabbled in the world of 'Walk-Ins Welcome' and had received 'Walk-Ins Welcome' results. I was working as an intern in San Francisco at a consumer tech magazine and decided to devote a good chunk of my weekly earnings to sit in a stylist's chair at Cowboy's and Angels. When I made the appointment I asked for someone who did short messy hair. I can't recall his name, but the cut I got was a revelation. It was exactly what I wanted. Short and messy. And it grew out into an equally kick-ass style. I was in love. Unfortunately that love was not to go beyond the second cut, which was corporate and disappointing. So disappointing that I called up the salon and said, "I just don't like my hair." He tweaked it and we said our goodbyes. I took another big chance a year or two later and the result left me bawling in the car. Hysterically bawling. It was a bad version of a Liza Minnelli choppy mullet done entirely with a razor and costing about $150. The cut itself was technically precise but so far from what I wanted I could do nothing but cry for days. I went back to a 'Walk-Ins Welcome' place where the stylist admired the cut and fixed it into a shorter pixie do. I was so traumatized that went back to her for a few years while letting my hair grow out into a lank hank of boring until she moved salons and so did I.

Since then I've had three main women wielding scissors in my life. Unlike my relationship with mascara and blush, I'm very monogamous when it comes to my hair. And as I look forward to my next haircut with the woman who I've seen and only seen for my last four haircuts, I can't help and wonder what life would be like if I was one of those dolls whose hair grows at the touch of a button. Thanks to instyle.com and their gallery of celebrity hair, I don't have to! I searched my hard drive for a front facing, no hair in the face photo of my mug but had to use the closest approximation. (This picture was snapped by Ben who took my official author photo and I'm sure he never imagined what I'd do with it when he did.) I also went for a natural hair color, in this case Soft Black, since that's pretty close to my hair color in real life. The results maybe unnatural in some cases, but in others they give a scary glimpse of my hair past.

Eva Longoria's Chola Hair:

OK, a chola who is handy with styling implements. My own hair has not been this long in years, if not a decade. And it does look like chola hair, not just on me but the original picture of Eva Longoria. There's nothing wrong with cholas, they have a whole look going on, but they also have a whole life to go with it and I've never been that hard core about anything in my life. Except maybe yoga.







Patricia Arquette, 7th Grader:




Shockingly close to what I sported as a skinny 12-year-old, except mine had these two real cool points at the tips in front. I would never cut my hair like this again, it's just too neat and much too young looking. It's little girl hair, in my opinion. Like Parisian little girl playing in a park with with her imaginary kangaroo named Pantouf hair.






Jennifer Eh-niston


Everyone always goes on and on about Jennifer Aniston's hair. To me it always looks great and always the same. Even when she's supposed to be someone else, like in a movie, she has the same hair. But her hair looks good on her. Not on me. That much I think we can all agree on. Still, I had to try it on since next to Farrah Fawcett's feathery wings, this is one of the most photographed head of hair out there.






I have more shots, fancy hair and short hair, very scary Sandra Bullock hair. But that's enough for today. Time to get to work.

2 comments:

Mary Carla said...

what's a chola hair?

Margo Candela said...

Oh, you would know it if you saw it. The Eva Longoria version is very sanitized and stylized, but its definitely an homage to it. Usually, it's long, parted in the middle with "wings" on the sides. The liberal use of hairspray to "set" the wings is not uncommon but I'm not sure if it's fallen out of fashion. Even cholas care about the environment.