Conspicuous Consumption: Much Too High (Waist)

I'm a big old lady when it comes to trends, to the point that I look like I wear the same thing every day (I do!) and my clothes aren't that interesting. This whole legging thing under dresses and tunics? It can't go away fast enough for me even though I suspect it's a very comfy way too dress. (I'm just too old to pull it off.) Remember those jeans that had the silk print fabric on the cuffs or lower quarter of the leg? I thought it was a good idea but I stayed well away and was vindicated when it started to show up on the bottom halves of second grade girls. Super low jeans? Only in my dreams.

And the same goes for high waist jeans (or long ass jeans, as I call them) "designers" are going to try to shove down our throats in the coming months. To pull them off (which I don't think many if any gals can) you have to have hips of a 12-year-old and a bubble butt only seen in cellulite cream ads. (By the way, that was also the butt of a 12-year-old.)

Take the example on the model above. You know this model has no saddle bags, yet the pants she's wearing does a good job of creating them for her. If saddle bags are coming into style , what the hell am I doing wasting my time working out for? Be honest, doesn't it look like she's wearing long leg diapers. And they make her legs look short and her crotch seem endless. And just because there's no chance in hell of seeing anything when you bend over or sit down, you'll still have to wear a thong and get everything waxed. There's no cutting corners back to the days of the 1970s (when these types of pants last made their appearance) where you could wear avocado colored nylon granny panties and sport a full bush because there wasn't any reason not to.

If anything, I should be thrilled with this turn in fashion events. Designers are now going to make tall, thin, bubbled butted models look like short legged, dumpy waisted, saddled bagged normal women. Rejoice!

Still it's just not my cup of tea. And I'd have to live on Chinese diet tea to have any chance in hell to even look presentable in a pair of pants like those.

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