Family Life: Mocking My Genius

Below is a transcript, saved by my sister, known as The Sister, and me (Me) of an actual IM conversation we had on 04/13/04. Why she saved it? I think it's pretty obvious as is why she sent it to me today. She's bored at work and wants to mock me.

Me: I thought of an invention.
Me: Want to hear it.
The Sister: yes okay
Me: OK, you know how every so often a regular person, a person just like you, all of sudden gets a dreadful feeling that you haven't locked your front door?
The Sister: yeeeeeeeeees
Me: Well, my invention would take care of that. It is a slender electronic key sleeve that fits over the head of the key. When you insert the key into your lock it electronically registers that you have locked the door and a indicating light turns red. A unit on the inside of the door also registers that the door is locked and it acts as an alarm. If someone tries to open the door without a authorized key or doesn't know the indoor key code, an alarm will sound. When you open your door, the key light will go to green.
Me: You can rearm the alarm using a key code or just put a deadbolt.
The Sister: but i lock my door on the inside and then close it
Me: But haven't you ever had that nagging feeling?
Me: Imagine how reassuring it would be to just be able to look at your keys and see that warm red light telling you that your front door is securely shut.
The Sister: and then i turn the handle to make sure it's locked
The Sister: and then i say out loud in my head "the door is locked and i checked it"
The Sister: then i tap my foot and spin 3 times
Me: Stop it!
Me: That is not a rational method for checking the door.
Me: Even though I tell myself the same thing and then jiggle the knob.
Me: Don't you think that's a nifty invention?
The Sister: i'd buy it if you gave it to me for free
Me: Bitch.
Me: You're out of my will.


Reading this after so many years, I still think it is a nifty idea. One I won't pursue like the many others I've had. For instance, way back in 1997 I came up with an idea for a restaurant called The Cereal Shack which would only serve, yes, cereal anyway the customer wanted it, soggy, hot, dry, with soy milk. And it would feature cereals from all over the world, like German Corn Flakes, they still would be Kellogg's, but from Germany. And it would periodically open and close, even move location, like one of those super cool underground clubs that people whisper about. Brilliant! And yes, I'm aware there's some place in Chicago that just opened in the last year or so that only serves cereal, but I still think my idea is much better...as just an idea.

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