Life Lessons: Sock Training

The Problem: Socks left on the floor in the living room by the husband. Realize first attempt to break the husband of this habit has not worked. (Account of first attempt fictionalized in Life Over Easy, Chapter 34: Intellectual Pursuits.)

Step One: Gather offending objects and stow away in place the husband will never think to look for them while formulating plan to teach the husband the importance of not leaving socks on the floor.

Step Two: Decide best course of action is to invade the husband's workspace as he invades mine. Carefully choose most fragrant socks, wrap in tissue paper usually reserved for gifts and pack securely in unremarkable box. Morning before mailing, causally ask the husband how he receives packages at work. Are they delivered to his desk? Must he retrieve them from mail room? Find out all packages, magazines, etc, are put in a mail cubby near reception.

Steps Three and Four: Address and mail package and wait.

Steps Five and Six: Receive chuckling phone call from the husband two days later and demand he not find this funny. Continue demands that he share his shame with workmates. Workmates also find it funny. Extract promise from the husband that socks will no longer befoul the living room floor. Sock lesson completed for time being but begin to formulate next plan and find new hiding place.

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