My Monumental Day

I shipped off my 4 lb 25 ounce manuscript back to New York to the waiting arms of my editor, who’d given me until the 20th to go through all the copy edits. She’d ask that I take extra care as it was the only edited copy of my novel and if my dog ate it (a very likely possibility) we’d have to start all over again and it would cause very bad delays. So it was with a happy heart that I trekked to my local Kinko’s/FedEx to send it off on Kensington’s dime.

Then I said to my nephew (who’s staying with us for the summer), “Is that a Big Lots? Lets go in.”

Surprisingly he was reluctant. “No! Grandma used to drag me there everyday after school. It’s full of crazy people.”

Crazy people buying multiple carts full of crazy crap. We stood in line holding a couple of Munch bars (I thought they didn’t make them anymore), a bag of Mega M&Ms (I’d seen the commercial but never the actual product) and a package of adapters for my nephew who raved, “I’ve been looking for something like this forever. Usually they sell each by itself. This one is to plug into a phone, this one is a dual plug adapter, this one…”

I felt pretty stupid standing in line with our six items or so when it appeared everyone else was stocking up for the coming Apocalypse. Cases of water seemed to be the most popular item. Maybe I’m coddled and out of touch, but water comes out of the tap and if you don’t want to drink it straight a Brita pitcher (which I’m sure has been sold at Big Lots at one time or another) filters it and makes it nice and cold if you keep it in the fridge. We were lucky enough to buy a house with a water filtration system (it makes a difference in hard water town like L.A.) but we still use our Brita filter.

Big Lots also sells books, mostly paperback romances, lawn furniture, perfumed Playtex tampons and so much other shit, my brain went numb. A couple had three carts stacked with all manner of stuff I couldn’t imagine they walked in there needing. And they were scoping out neighboring carts to make sure they hadn’t missed anything good. Slightly dented cans of crushed pineapple by an unknown company? I’ll take 20!

As we walked out, after dodging a thin older woman in wheel chair with an enormous set of breasts, on her not the wheelchair, I said to my nephew, “I see why mom likes this place. She fits right in.”

As for me, I’m going to stick to being a yuppie pig and buy my crap at Target even if they don’t carry Munch bars.

No comments: